


River

by jemmali



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry: New Dawn
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coworkers - Freeform, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lets rebuild the world together under THICK sexual tension, More tags to come later, Sexual Tension, Sibling Death, We'll see how much we divert... tbd, eyes emoji, i'm impatient okay, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-11-03 15:44:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17880593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jemmali/pseuds/jemmali
Summary: Lana loves her role as Captain of Security for Rush's team. Calm under pressure, she doesn't flinch, or hesitate.Until Montana. Until Rush saves her, knowing damn well he'll be tortured for it. Until she finally realizes the depth of their relationship.She loves her role until it hits her harder than a bullet.





	1. Chapter 1

Shades of red, orange, and purple dance across the sky as the sun starts to set over the horizon. Staring out the train window, Lana’s focus shifts from the sunset to the half obliterated trees flying by, as the train speeds north. Her vision starts to blur, looking past the trees, she focuses on the coastline, barely visible in the distance. 

A smile ghosts over her lips, memories of her last beach day with her sister, Caitlin, flood her mind. Caitlin was 10 years older than Lana, and lived an hour away, but she always made time once a month to take her kid sister to the beach. They’d suntan on their towels, eat watermelon, and chat about everything a 12 year old Lana wanted to know of the world. The specific memory of Caitlin’s loud, joyful laugh, with a broad smile and eyes crinkling at the corners, is almost too much to bear. 

Lana shakes off the memory with a glance to her left, gazing around the sun-drenched train car. Empty of people, but filled with crates of supplies, tables covered in maps, and a spattering of seating. The reality of her situation crashes back. Seventeen years have passed since that last happy day at the beach, the bombs had dropped just a week later. She remembers enough of the world as it was before to long for days gone by, yet the majority of her life has been spent in this post-apocalyptic reality. With a sigh, she turns back to the window to lose herself in speeding blur of green and brown trees.

So lost in thought, she barely registers the sound of the train car door opening, before she hears a voice, “How’s the plan coming along, Cap?”

Lana doesn’t move, reaching for a swig of water from her canteen, pausing before responding. “Going about as well as your sleep schedule.”

Rush barks out a laugh as he settles into the seat next to Lana. Tossing a glance his way, she passes him a pad of paper full of outlines, plans, and notes. 

She’s been working with Rush’s crew for nearly six years, as his Captain of Security for the past two years. It had been a welcome promotion, one that pissed off a few people, but she was buoyed by his confidence in her abilities. After two years, he trusted her implicitly, but ever the leader, wants as much information as possible to strengthen his own plan.

Lana watches him as he reads, adding, “Without having been there, it’s hard to make a thorough security plan. Carmina’s been helpful, but a seventeen year old only knows so much about combat and cartography,” She turns to look back out the window, “and it ain’t much.” She nervously brings her hand to her face, tapping her pointer finger against the tip of her nose absentmindedly. 

Rush settles his elbows on his knees, reading over her small handwriting on the page. “Do you really think Prosperity will have enough fighters for this kind of offensive?” His gaze turns back to Lana, slowly moving from her sharp eyes down to her nervous tick. 

She stops the tapping long enough to look at him, “They better.” 

With that, he shuts his eyes and lets his head drop. Lana’s eyes linger on his deep undereye bags, to his long angular nose, drifting down to his chapped lips, bitten until swollen, his nervous tick. Lana’s tongue wets her lips without thinking and her gaze drifts lower, past his jaw covered with varying lengths of facial hair, down to the giant eagle tattoo spanning the width of his neck, slowly moving as he breathes. 

She watches his Adam's apple bob under his tattoo, as he sucks in a heavy breath and looks up at her, “I’m worried about this one, Lana.” The words scarcely louder than a whisper, his eyes hold the same plea of secrecy.

She leans her chest down, mirroring his posture, resting her chin on her shoulder and questions, “Why this one? You rebuilt half of California- why worry about a small town in Montana?” 

Rush shakes his head and steels his jaw, “I don’t know, it’s just.. I just feel like something is off.”

Lana stills, “You never second guess yourself.” 

“Not typically, no. And rarely ever enough to tell someone else.” 

“Should we turn back? If you think we’re walking into a trap—“

Rush interrupts her, “No, not like a trap, just like… like we’re missing something. But it’s too late to turn back now.” He sighs and runs his hand through his short black hair, grabbing at the short length in frustration, “I just don’t want to let anyone down.”

Lana finally cracks a smile and lets out a small huff of laughter as she looks straight at him, “Tom, you couldn’t let people down if you tried. It’s not in your DNA.” 

With that, his face softens, warmth reaching his eyes. He slowly reaches to Lana and lays his broad, calloused hand across her shoulder, “You flatter me. But.. thank you. I try to do right by our people, and the people we help. We’ll do right by these Montana folks.” He leans back in the chair, pulling his arm back and absently rubbing circles into his palm, looking out the window, “I hope.”

“I know.” she says, with a quiet resolve. She reaches over to give a reassuring squeeze to his knee as she stands, walking towards the door. She pauses at the threshold to the next train car, turning back to face Rush. “Have you eaten today?” She asks, brows furrowed. 

“Uh, I think a little oatmeal this morning..” he says, shifting in the chair. Finally taking a moment to check in with his body, he feels his stomach rumble, “I guess.. I forgot to eat.”

Lana chuckles as she shakes her head, “I couldn’t forget to eat if I tried. But you can’t run this whole operation if you're running on empty, Tom. I’ll grab something for you. Stay here?”

He gives her a small nod as she disappears into the next train car. Rush settles back facing the window, hands heavy in his lap, the weight of the whole team on his shoulders. He knows that as the leader of this group, he is expected to solve problems and take care of everyone. They look to him for strength, and he delivers, no matter the stress it puts him through. He shuts his eyes and allows his head to tip back over the top of the chair. A wave of tiredness hits him and knocks him deep into sleep.

When he wakes, it’s dark in the train car, the only illumination from a small lantern in the corner. He sees a plate of food on the table next to him with a note, that same small, neat handwriting he knows so well, “God knows you need the sleep, I didn’t want to wake you. Eat up!” 

The note isn’t signed but it doesn’t need to be. He knows. 

He reaches for the plate and devours the food in a flash. Setting the empty plate aside, he slouches back down in the chair, letting sleep sweep him up again, feeling as relaxed as he has in ages.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: alcohol, game-typical gun violence, sibling death
> 
> songs i couldn't quite listening to as i wrote this:
> 
> red dirt girl - emmylou harris  
> brothers in arms - dire straits  
> dream a little dream of me - the mamas & the papas

The train violently lurches beneath Lana, spilling lukewarm coffee over her fingers, “Fuck!” She sets the cup down on the table and wipes her hand on her black jeans. 

Across the car, Rush has shucked the military jacket in favor of his grey undershirt, arms planted wide on either side of the table as he listens to Barnes, the head of the league of engineers, talk about irrigation and a proposed water filtration system. 

Lana watches Rush as the muscles beneath his shirt move and shift, his lats tightening, pulling his shoulder blades down his back. She stares at his back, fixed like a statue. He stands straight up, pushing his hips out ahead of him arching his back, and Lana cracks a slight smile to herself. He always stretches like that and she can’t help but find it adorable.

She internally berates herself, she can’t be thinking like that.

As the Captain of Security, she runs the entire 30-person security team and personally escorts Rush to all new sites, she is never far from his side. As many people as he’s helped, he’s made plenty of enemies. Powerful enemies, with far-reaching networks. The more communities he rebuilds, the larger the target gets on his back. Lana knows that if anything, that spurs him to keep pushing and keep challenging the status quo. 

She steals a glance back at Rush, watching his shoulders flex as he crosses his arms over his chest and stands back from the table. Always planning his next initiative, his next push, he always has a plan. He has a plan for all of America, a more equal, fair place than it ever was before. By teaching everyone in a community the core skills needed for sustainability, he helps create a more equal starting point for folks, and without as much societal structural inequality, she thinks he actually has a shot at achieving his goals. 

Lana settles deeper into her seat as she shuts her eyes. Thinking about Rush, again, berating herself. She could be planning the offensive against the highwaymen they plan to start once they reach Hope County, she could be getting in reps with her team, practicing grappling, fighting, for the newer team members who need to grow, hell, she could even be cleaning her guns or organizing her ammo. Instead, she’s staring at her crush’s beefy arms. Time well spent, huh?

“Captain, can I get your input here?” 

She pushes herself up from the seat, bringing the coffee with her and taking a sip before saying, “What can I do for you, Rush?”

She sees a shimmer in his eyes of liveliness, but his expression remains serious as he says “Barnes here is telling me that we need at least 4 weeks to set up the irrigation pump filtration system at Prosperity, given its elevation above the water source”

Lana furrows her brows together “Four weeks to get water up and running? The hell kind of crackpot engineers are you running, Barney?” 

Garrett Barnes, the head of the league of engineers, sneers at her, “Sorry we can’t just shoot our problems away Cap, we actually have to use our brains, and for that, it’s going to take a little bit longer here. And that’s assuming it’s just 100 feet higher than the source”, he fixes his attention back to Rush, “if it’s any higher than that, every additional 20 feet will take probably another week each.”

Rush sighs and leans over the table again. Littered with maps brought by Carmina, they had a good feel for the valley they were rolling into, but the maps were old— from before the bombs dropped, and didn’t include as much detail as they could usually collect. 

“The water filtration project will require all hands on deck to dig the tunnels and lay the pipes— we’ll need muscle from the security team those whole four weeks. But Carmina says the highwaymen have set up outposts all over the valley, as close as one mile away. How lean can the team get to help us out, while still keeping us safe?”

Lana takes a big gulp of coffee, buying herself time to think of a non-aggressive response. 

“Well, you can have as much of my security to do your manual labor as you need.”

Barnes looks smugly satisfied from the other side of the table, and expression which Lana returns in kind, “As long as your engineers are ready to take up arms to make sure we don’t all get slaughtered in our sleep.”

The smile falls off Barnes’ smarmy face and Lana beams with the win. Sure, they may be fucked, but at least at this moment, she gets the gratification. 

Rush takes a big breath and stepping into his role as mediator, asks, “How about something we can all live with? How many team members can you spare in our first month on site?”

“Maybe 8? Any more than a third of my team and we’ll be stretched too thin. Extra long guarding shifts lend themselves to mistakes.” She faces Barnes and spits, “Mistakes are what get people killed.” 

Rush turns back across the table, reaching his arm out as if offering up, “They can give 8 strong individuals, that’s going to have to be enough to move things along on schedule.”

Barnes laughs, sneering, “What’s the point of having muscle if we can’t use it? Why do we even keep you around if you’re going to be so useless?”

Lana smiles maliciously towards Barnes, “To save your lazy pile of shit ass, time and time again, obviously.”

Taken aback, he scoffs, “Time and time again. ONCE! Once in San Bernardino. But, I mean, who knew the settlement would get attacked in the middle of the night?”

“I knew. The ‘useless’ security team knew. You know why? Maybe it was because we had been scouting that gang since before we even moved into San Bernardino. Maybe it was because we studied their movements and figured out their MO. Maybe it was because we worked to make connections in their group to get intel. Maybe it was fucking dumb luck, but whatever it was, I saved your ass and everyone on your team, without once asking for thanks. But just know that without our “useless muscle” you’d be cold and in the ground.”

Barnes looks sufficiently shamed, but Lana doesn’t relent, “And if you think it was just San Bernardino, I worry what the radiation has done to your memory. Have you forgotten what happened in La Jolla? In Santa Barbara?” She takes a breath, sighing and shaking her head before spitting, “And you can’t possibly forget Oakland.”

Tension settles over the conversation as Barnes seethes. 

She turns to face Rush, “I can give you eight people, for four weeks. They’re gonna have to agree to it, and if it takes longer than that we may have to renegotiate. We wanted to start our offensive within the first six weeks, so I’ll need to be at full strength for that.”

He nods and walks to the side of the train car. 

Indignant and embarrassed, Barnes yells, “You’re not gonna say anything to her? After she throws Oakland out like that?”

“She’s right” Rush barks, “The security team is the reason we’re all still alive. But Cap specifically is the reason we’re not all six feet under right now. You were preoccupied that night, and that’s not a bad thing, Garrett.“

Barnes pauses, collecting his thoughts, “You know, I guess she did save the day in Oakland,” he walks around the table towards the door of the train car, pausing long enough for his final barb, “but she couldn’t even save her own sister.”

Arms swinging, Lana throws herself towards Barnes trying to land a punch, but is intercepted by Rush grabbing her and holding her back, whispering, “Lana please, he isn't worth it.”

Wordlessly she hurls the coffee cup towards Barnes.

Missing her target by inches, the mug shatters on impact against the train car wall, splashing Barnes’ arms and torso with the coffee. “Psycho bitch..” He mutters as he walks out of the car, wiping the lukewarm coffee off his skin. 

Rush tries to pull Lana into a hug and she pushes against his hold, stepping back with a shuddering breath, “No...” 

She turns around and stalks out of the opposite end of the train car. Tears threatening to fall from her eyes, she makes her way through two more train cars full of people until she enters the empty caboose. She steps out the final door, and carefully sits down on the steps, only feet away from the railroad tracks racing beneath her. Finally letting out a choked sob, her tears well up and spill down her cheeks. 

Caitlin’s loss hits her like a ton of bricks all over again, as it always does. 

“Fuck Barnes. I saved his fucking life that night and never got a word of gratitude.” She says out loud to herself, tearfully, as though it will help anything 

She cradles her head in her hands, letting her pang of grief relieve itself with gasping sobs. The guilt hammers against her rib cage faster than her heart. She holds her head, trying to stabilize her breath. 

In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

Lana’s breath begins to normalize as she looks up, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She gazes out at the rugged landscape speeding by as the train takes them further into Montana. Far from Oakland, and getting further. 

 

— Oakland, two years ago —

As one of the most senior security officers, Lana had her finger on the pulse of the team base, in beautiful post-apocalyptic Oakland, California. She could feel that something was off. Her boss, Captain Pat Keegan, headed up the 25-person security team, had been distant with Lana for the past few weeks. Captain Keegan was typically a loud, gregarious man who would give it to you straight, so suddenly vague answers and early exits from dinner and drinks were very out of the ordinary. 

Lana was determined to figure out what was different. She had figured he’d received bad news, or Rush had shut down his latest initiative. It had to be something, but when he pulled the security team off their assigned posts for the night, she knew something bigger was happening.

Garrett Barnes, the head of engineering, was getting married tonight and the entire base was abuzz with excitement over the whole affair. A night off, an exciting event and the promise of a wild party had lifted the spirits of nearly everyone on base. Captain Keegan had quietly canceled the security measures for the evening, setting off alarm bells in Lana’s mind when combined with his odd behavior. 

She was determined to confront him and get answers, or if worse came to worse, spy on him. It was a drastic measure, but he was a fastidious note-taker, keeping detailed journals. If something was happening, she knew it would be in a journal. She waited for him outside of the armory that afternoon, pouncing on him as he strolled out the door.

Lana ran up towards him, “Hey Cap, got a minute?”

The Captain looked hesitant but cracked a small smile as they walked towards the bar set up for the wedding, “For you, sure.”

“Do we have a security plan for tonight? I heard you called off our scheduled guards. I know everyone is excited about the wedding, but we can’t let our security lapse.”

Captain Keegan took a big breath, “Lana, no offense, but you need a break more than anyone. Our walls are strong and none of our intel has shown any movement from any gangs or scav groups. I think our hard-working security team deserves a night of relaxation, don’t you? Or would you rather they sit out alone in the dark for no reason?”

Her eyes narrowed, “They deserve a night off, sure, but--”

The Captain cut her off “It’s all settled Lana, don’t worry about it. Why don’t you cut out early, go find your sister, get ready for the ceremony.” He grabbed a beer from the crate, popping the tab and handing to her, “Have a drink, relax. You deserve it, kid.”

Lana felt a chill of unease roll through her body, but took the beer and drank it as the Captain walked away. She stayed for another beer after that, until the courtyard started to fill up, the whole base out to see Barnes get married. Neither she nor Caitlin cared about watching a wedding, so she made her way to her quarters, shared with her sister Caitlin. She stepped through the door, closing it behind her, “Can we talk?”

From the dirty futon, Caitlin looked up from her book with a smile, “What’s up Lan?”

“I…” Lana sucked in a big breath, “I think something is up with the Captain… he is acting so casual about security and he’s been distant all week.. I just don’t know what’s happening. It’s so unlike him, and I… I just feel like something is off.”

Caitlin pursed her lips, pausing to set down her book before speaking, “Trust your gut, Lan. You know him well, if he’s really acting off and you’re worried, maybe speak with Andy? Or even tell Rush?”

Lana settled down onto the futon next to her, “I don’t want to make something out of nothing. I mean, maybe he’s right, we have been working overtime with the Killborn gang acting up lately. They’re out for Rush’s head.” She tipped the beer back, finishing it off before setting the bottle on the floor.

“Maybe, but I think you owe it to yourself to at least follow up on what your gut is telling you.”

With a sigh, Lana shifted, laying down on the futon, resting her head in Caitlin’s lap, shutting her eyes. Right away Caitlin gave a small smile and moved to start playing with Lana’s thick dark hair. They sat in silence, the indecision hanging in the air, as Caitlin comforted her. After a few minutes, Caitlin whispered, “Trust your gut, sweets.”

Lana opened her eyes & reached her hand up to grasp Caitlin’s. Their fingers intertwined and eyes locked on one another, an entire unspoken conversation exchanged in the look. Fear, insecurity, protectiveness, and a deep, soul-knowing love exchanged in just moments. 

Caitlin squeezed Lana’s hand assuringly with a small smile. “If you feel something is off, look into it.”

“What if it’s nothing, though? What if I push on this and I lose my job? Where would we even go? 

“We’d figure it out. But Rush wouldn’t let Keegan fire you. He knows how hard you work. He knows your value.” Caitlin paused with a smirk, “Plus, he’s sweet on you, he doesn't want you going anywhere.”

Lana sat up and turned towards her sister, “Caity!! He is not sweet on me. He’s basically our boss.”

Caitlin laughed, her eyes narrowing with a wide smile, “When has that ever stopped anyone?”

Lana light batted at Caitlin’s arm with a chuckle, “You’re ridiculous Cait.”

“You love me.”

“You’re damn right.” Lana stood up from the futon and walked to their shared bedroom. She grabbed a jacket, another clip for the handgun holstered to her thigh, and a flashlight. She reached for the open bottle of moonshine on the corner of her dresser and brought it to her lips. She tipped the bottle back, took a few big gulps of the bitter, room temperature spirit, and set the bottle back down. She shuddered at the taste-- practically pure ethanol, but it calmed her nerves. 

She took a breath, making a plan for what she was about to do. Spy on the Captain of Security, a well-respected leader, her boss for the last four years. She swallowed heavily, pushed down her fear and the bitter tang from the moonshine, to make her way towards the door.

“Please be careful, Lan.” Caitlin implored.

“I promise, I will be.” Lana looked back to Caitlin, “I love you, Caity. I’ll see you at the reception?”

Caitlin smiled, “I’ll be there soon; go get ‘em sweets.”

Lana stepped out the door, headed straight for the Captain’s quarters as she felt the alcohol rush to her head. She saw the wedding ceremony in progress from the other side of the courtyard as she walked. Barnes and his new wife, Marnie, looked perfectly happy. She couldn’t spot Captain Keegan anywhere in the crowd but spotted Rush right away. Standing proudly near the back of the crowd, he gave her a little wave when he spotted her. Lana tried not to smile but gave him a little up-nod as she walked. Caitlin’s words fresh in her mind, “He’s sweet on you”, made her blush, but then again, could have been the moonshine. 

Lana carefully snuck into Captain Keegan’s quarters, double checked each room, but the place looked eerily empty. His personal effects gone, just piles of papers, maps, and a smattering of journals. She turned on her flashlight but kept it very low to the desk as not to shine a light in the space. She found the most recent notebook and wondered why he would leave it if he were traveling somewhere.

She skimmed pages, quickly read through his entries, to spot anything out of the ordinary. She turned another page, more entries of the teams’ day to day work, alongside to do lists and personal entries. She flipped another page, reading when she spotted something odd. 

_“By the time I land in Tokyo, Rush will be a non-issue.”_

She paused. Tokyo is a foreign city- Japan, she’s fairly sure, though her middle school education didn’t reach too far. 

She read on, until she turned the last page, to the most recent entry:

_“Lana seems suspicious, but it’s already done. Hoping the party has her as drunk as she usually gets, so she can’t act when the gang arrives. Killborn gang has our exact location, knows when to strike during the reception, and will be undetected as I’ve called off the security team for the night. It’s done. It will be a massacre, but I have to do this. Rush has made so many enemies that it was only a matter of time that this happened, I just made sure I have an exit plan. This time tomorrow, I’ll be on a plane flying over the Pacific, and I’ll be headed to my new life in Asia. It’s done.”_

Lana felt the wind knocked out of her, as she dropped the journal. A betrayal, planned right under her nose, that she was too oblivious-- or drunk-- to notice. No longer caring about staying hidden, Lana scrambled to her feet and bolted out of the room, her mind fuzzy from the moonshine, she moved at the speed of light, overwhelmed with thoughts. She shut her eyes and took a breath to focus-- Rush. He’s the only one who can order an evacuation, she needed to get to him, and fast.

The wedding ceremony already over, Garrett and his new wife, Marnie, swayed to music coming out of the single speaker. Lana spotted Rush leaned against the bar a few yards from the dance floor, with a faint smile on his face as he watched the newlyweds dance. Out of breath, she ran up to Rush and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the dance floor and the rest of the crew. 

“Lana, what are you doing? Are you drunk?” he asked, brows furrowed.

She took a huge breath, with pleading eyes boring into him, “I need you to believe what I am about to say. I had a weird feeling about the Captain, so I went through his journal. He sold us out to the Killborn gang. His entry said they’re coming to attack during the party-- they could come at any moment-- we need to get these people out of here.”

Rush’s eyes are unreadable, “Are you sure Lana? If you’re wrong--”

Lana interrupted, “--if I’m right, everyone dies, Rush. Unless we move-- now.”

He nodded, and walked up to Garrett, tapped on the shoulder as he said something to him, they moved to the side.

Someone cut the music and Rush yelled out, “Everybody, I have reason to believe we are under threat of attack-- I hate to interrupt this beautiful wedding, but we need to get everyone to evacuate the base, moving to our safe houses, or out to our allies bases if possible. We don’t know exactly when this will happen, but we need to move, now. I need you to get to get your people and move out ASAP. Head straight to the garage let’s fill up vehicles to capacity. Follow your designated evacuation protocol, let’s keep this safe and orderly.” 

Lana immediately headed to the armory to grab her assault rifle and explosives vest. As she ran through the door, she’s greeted by four other security team members, all arming themselves up as well. 

Andy, another senior security officer, grabbed his rifle, “Lana, how bad is this?”

Lana shrugged the explosive vest on over her jacket and looked up to Andy, “It’s bad. We all need to be on point.” A rush of dizziness took her, the alcohol in her system. She sucked in a deep breath, “It’s the Killborns. We need to be ready for whatever they throw at us-- we know they love explosives so keep on your toes. Our main priority is protecting the people, we want a full evacuation, no lives lost. Got it?” 

With a pause, she sent up a silent prayer that these precious few minutes are enough to get most people out and prepare them the best they can.

She headed back outside, she booked it towards her quarters. Before she could do her job, she needed to know her sister is safe and leaving. As she ran, people piled into cars, onto the backs of ATVs, into vans, even utilizing the school bus. “Get out while you can” she muttered under the breath.

She ran through the door of her quarters only to find it empty.

“Fuck!” she grunted, through gritted teeth. 

Lana stepped back outside and set off to find Caitlin. She jogged across the courtyard of the base, frantically searched for her sister. She paused a few yards from the main gate, her frazzled, buzzed brain tried to piece together where to look next. Preoccupied, she didn’t notice as Rush moved alongside her.

He grabbed her forearm and sternly said, “I’m going to need to know exactly why I just did that, and if--” 

His sentence was interrupted by a massive blast, the force knocked both Rush and Lana to the ground, shrapnel from the wooden fence flew around them. She felt the impact of the blast push her to the ground, ringing in her ears, then a sharp, crying pain in her leg. She reached down and felt for her legs. A piece of wood pierced her right thigh, as red started to stain the blue of her jeans. She let out a shaky gasp, the pain radiating through her leg, took her breath away. 

Over the ringing in her ears, she heard the first gunshot crack through the air. The sound spurred her back into action, adrenaline coursed through her veins, she looks over and saw Rush on the ground, knocked to his back, not moving. She scrambled onto her feet, her right leg nearly giving out under her with the wood lodged in it. She grabbed the shoulders of his jacket and dragged him to the side of the fence before she paused to check his pulse. Weak, but still there. She let out a sigh of relief. 

She turned away to pull the assault rifle off her back. She double checked that it was fully loaded, and took the safety off. She hated using this gun, or any weapon, on another human. But the Killborn gang never believed in finding compromise, or peace. With a deep breath, she lifted the rifle and cradled the butt into her shoulder. She looked through the sights to line up her shot and pulled the trigger. One, two, three bodies drop. The first people that came through the gate are down, and with no one else in sight, she turned her attention back to Rush. 

The sound of the rifle’s shots seemed to have jolted him back awake. His eyes full of fire, Lana reached down to offer him her hand, he took it as he pulled himself up to his feet. He drew the handgun from his holster and turned the safety off. 

“How much longer do we have?” He questioned.

“Those three must have planted the explosive, blown out the gate, now they can roll in their full army. We need to get out, and fast.”

Rush looked back towards the garage and quarters- still fifty or so people on base.

“Hold them off for me Lana-- just a minute or two, we can get these people to safety.”

“I’ll do my best.” She looked around, having suddenly remembered that Caitlin hadn’t been seen. She yelled to Rush, “Wait!! Caitlin! I don’t know where she is-- please find her!”

He nodded and turned to run toward the large group of people. 

Lana tried to run towards the gate, but couldn’t make it-- each step was torture on her leg, but she didn’t have time to focus on that. She had to buy everyone a little bit more time. She found cover behind a large crate, took a breath, and lifted her rifle up, ready to fire.

The next minute was a blur. The sound of gunfire rang through the air. She heard the screams from behind her, she knew the Killborns had made some shots into the crown of evacuating people. Despite the chill in the air, she felt sweat drip down her neck, and she gasped in huge breaths. Her back pressed against a crate as she took cover, she stole a glance towards the garage, just two vehicles left. She looked around and saw blood and bodies of those caught by the bullets of the Killborns, firing indiscriminately into the base. She counted five bodies but figured there were more. 

She broke cover, stood up to aim down the sights at one sniper she could spot. She pulled the trigger and it hit the sniper squarely in the chest, they dropped to the ground. She dove back under cover just in time, as a shot rang out, a bullet whizzed just above her head. 

There were more people than she could handle by herself, and her security team had dwindled down to only one other person-- Andy. 

Andy was a good shot but not good enough for the two of them to hold this push off for much longer. With that thought, she heard a loud rumble and peered around the crate to get a visual. A giant truck rolled to a stop just short of the fence and she counted 12 people climb out of the bed and back seats. 

Lana sucked in a big breath and felt her explosive vest- just one grenade left. She pulled the pin, stood, and threw it towards the truck with all her might. It landed a few feet from the truck and exploded in seconds, but it took out fewer than she’d hoped. She glanced back at the garage, in time to watch a van pull away, leaving just one truck for the final evacuation. 

Lana tried shouting over the commotion to get Andy to the truck, but her cries were drowned out in the sea of noise. Just as she was about to move, she watched as Andy was struck, his legs crumpling beneath him as he fell to the ground. 

She had to move, or she was dead in this spot. But without cover, it was a suicide run to the truck. A bad option, or a worse option.

Overwhelmed by her environment, she was suddenly engulfed in smoke. She watched as a smoke bomb rolled to her feet, just as she looked up to see Rush wrap his big hand around her arm to pull her to her feet and break out in a sprint towards the truck under the cover the smoke could give. 

Everything about this was too much. She was hardly able to run with her weak leg about to give out, her lungs filled with smoke from the bomb, while her heart pounded in her chest. This was all wrong. As they ran, she saw the bodies of the fallen. Friends, colleagues-- her heart broke. As they neared the truck, she noticed one more body, with face that she recognized better than her own, even when splattered with blood.

Lana pulled her arm away from Rush and sprinted towards Caitlin’s lifeless body with a scream. She fell to her knees in front of her sister as she started to babble, “No, no, no, please god no, come on Caity, come on babe, no, no, please no….” 

Her hands shook as she felt under Caitlin’s chin for a pulse. Nothing. 

Her world stopped turning in that moment. The urgency, the sound, the reality of the world faded into the background. Though her only wound was the wood lodged in her leg, Lana could have sworn she felt her ribcage tear open, bone by bone, and her heart spill out onto the ground as she realized that her sister was gone. 

“Caity, no! Caity, please! Caity, I can’t!” 

She grabbed the sides of her sister’s lifeless face, tears streamed down her face as she pressed their foreheads together. “I love you, Caitlin. I’m sorry Caity. I’m so sorry. I love you.”

Lana felt herself picked up from the ground, placed into the back of the pickup truck, the gate closed, as the truck rumbled to life, it sped away from the once peaceful base. She didn’t remember the truck ride, getting to the safe house, or much else that night.

She must have fallen asleep at some point, as she groggily pushed herself up to a seat on a sleeping bag in an unfamiliar, empty room. She attempted to stand up and immediately fell, her right leg bandaged and unable to bear weight. With that, the events of the previous evening all came back to her. She let out a sob as her head spun, overwhelmed by the memories. The door opened and a disheveled, exhausted Thomas Rush stepped through, as he quickly moved to her side. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around her. 

Lana’s head rested on his warm chest and she cried. She grabbed the sides of his jacket to pull him closer as she sobbed into him. His voice was barely a whisper, “I’m so sorry Lana. I… I am so sorry.” He held her for a few minutes as she let out the worst of it. She released her hold on his jacket and sat back. 

With a gasp for breath, she asked, “How many did we lose?” 

Rush looked down at his hands as he spoke, “We think about 20, 25. Still a few folks unaccounted for that didn’t follow the plan but we don’t think… are gone.”

She had done her job. Of the 400-some people on base, at least 375 were safe and accounted for. The evacuation was a success. But the one person she felt truly responsible for was gone. 

Lana fought through her tears, “Why didn’t Caitlin leave?”

“When I found her, she was helping load families into the school bus and helping to find the kids. A lot of kids got scared by the explosion and hid- lots of panicked parents.” Rush takes a big breath before continuing, “Caitlin was their teacher, and she loved those kids like they were her own. We didn’t lose a single child thanks to your sister.”

He continued, “But the snipers were picking people off. I had just buckled a kid in when I looked up and saw her. It--” he paused to control his own tears, “It was a clean shot. She didn’t suffer. I am so sorry.”

It didn’t make it better. She had let her sister down. Lana kept crying through the day and night until she ran dry. 

The following week, Rush asked Lana to take on the role of Captain of Security. She accepted, vowing to never take her eye off the ball again. 

 

— Somewhere in Montana, present day —

 

Lana has regained her composure by the time Rush shows up at the very last door of the train. 

“Captain, you shouldn’t be out here, it’s dangerous.”

“Of all the dangerous things I do, I think this should be the least of your worries.”

Rush settles down to her left on the stairs of the caboose. She sits with her elbows propped on her knees, chin resting on her knuckles, staring off in the distance. He tests out his physical touch, resting his hand on her arm. When she doesn't shake it off, he reaches his arm all the way around her shoulders, pulling her a little bit closer to his side. She acquiesces, letting him comfort her. Everyone knows what happened that night, but no one knows how she feels as close as Rush does.

She won’t forget that without his smoke grenade cover and dragging her back to the truck, she likely would have died at the base along with her sister. At first, she wished she had. Her grief and depression were overwhelming, and it was only thanks to a trained counselor in the crew that she was able to move past it. He saved her and literally picked her up out of her grief that night, carrying her to that truck to drive them to safety. 

Rush breaks the silence, “I told Barnes that if he ever says something like that again, he should be ready to pack up and leave this crew. We don’t speak to each other like that, no matter how tense things get.”

She could hear the frustration in his voice, he was pissed. “If I had a better engineer, I would have fired him on the spot. But we need him, Lana.”

“I know.” She grudgingly says, “But I’m still within my rights to hate him.”

Rush lets a small chuckle escape him, “I certainly think you are.”

Lana glances over to her left, to see his wide smile, making her stomach do a flip. She looks away, back over to her right, over the horizon. She feels his thumb start to move, rubbing small circles into her shoulder, warming her and feeling her stomach do another flip. It’s such a small movement, she isn’t even sure if he realizes he’s doing it. His lightest touch makes her heart race and her mind wander. Instinctually, she leans deeper into his arms. 

He continues his ministrations, as his voice drops an octave when he softly says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”

Lana’s breath hitches at his words. They’re so close, she wants him, but she knows this doesn’t end well for anyone. This has already gotten far too familiar and comfortable. 

She breathily chuckles, desperately trying to sound casual, “I certainly think you could find someone qualified to lead the security team. Now, finding someone to put up with you, that I’m not so sure about.”

She gently shrugs off his arm, and carefully grabs a handle to pull herself up to standing, walking back into the caboose, she says, “Sorry about breaking that mug.”

Lana walks all the way to the sleeper car, shutting the small compartment door and sliding down the door to sit on the floor. She shuts her eyes and breathes, hand over her heart, still beating a mile a minute.

She can’t fall, she can’t love that deeply again. She knows the pain of losing the one you love, and she won’t go through it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, this was a bummer chapter, so the next chapter is actually going to be fairly happy, fun, and thicc with sexual tension, so there's that!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading & patience with my absolutely wild grappling with tenses in the flashback!!


	3. Chapter 3

Exhausted from a full day of finalizing plans for Prosperity, Lana pulls shut the rickety compartment door and flops onto her thin, stained mattress. The train is scheduled to arrive tomorrow evening, and someone decided a big dinner to “celebrate” tonight would be a good idea. She’d rather clean all her weapons and get a good night's rest, but as the Captain, she’ll need to at least make an appearance.

Lana pulls open her pack, pulling out one plain tee shirt after the next. Her wardrobe is utilitarian, but for the big dinner, she’s trying to at least look a little different. _Jesus, I have nothing remotely nice_ , she thinks to herself.

After some rustling, she finds an oversized white button-up shirt, only a small blood stain on the collar-- _good enough_.

She pulls it over her head, tucking the front into her black jeans. She pulls her hair out of the ponytail on the back of her head, letting her dark hair splash down over her shoulders. She fluffs it up at the roots, runs her hand through, pulling it over her left shoulder. Again, good enough. _Maybe the kink from the ponytail will look intentional?_

Finally, she digs into one of the small pockets of her pack and grabs out a small circular disc. She opens the compact, her reflection greeting her in the mirror. Despite the dark circles and grouchy expression, she looks the same as always. She grabs for her two makeup items- a smoky pencil given to her by a grateful settler in San Francisco two years ago and an old tube of dark pink lipstick, a hand-me-down from Cait.

Lana holds up the mirror with one hand as her right hand goes to work drawing a thin line of black over her right lash line. She does the same on the left, and taking her finger, smudges it out. She wipes her finger on her jeans, turning her attention to the lipstick. She rubs another finger into the product and wipes along her lips. There, she sits back turns her head, looking into the mirror at her application- looking a little bit darker and more sultry than before, she’s satisfied.

Lana clicks the compact shut and slips it into her back pocket.

A knock rings out from the door to her compartment.

Lana pushes herself off the mattress and steps to the door, unlocking and sliding it open, she sees her second in command, Shereen.

“Well look at you!” She remarks, looking Lana up and down, squinting- “Is that… lipstick?”

Lana steps out of the doorway shaking her head with a small laugh. Shereen steps into the compartment and shuts the door behind her, leaning against the thin train wall, its old vinyl peeling off.

“Wanted to touch base about tonight and tomorrow. Are we still on schedule?" 

“As far as I know, we’re expecting to arrive in Hope County late tomorrow night. Currently, the plan is to secure the area around the train, secure our route to the settlement, and move folks the next morning. Of course, that’s assuming we can secure the area easily.”

“What about tonight?” Shereen asks, with a coy smile and a little wiggle to her eyebrows. 

“What _about_ tonight?” Lana answers, confused.

“Are we on duty tonight?”

Lana gently rolls her eyes.

“No Shereen, you’re not on duty tonight. Nobody is-- I’ll cover security tonight, y’all have fun.”

Shereen sticks out her tongue & does a little dance, giving a little shimmy and shoulder shake.

”Yeah, I know y’all are craving a little party. Remember, we’re gonna be on duty damn near every day for the first month or so at this settlement, and we don’t know what we’re really coming into. Have fun tonight, but starting tomorrow, we need everyone on point.”

Shereen nods with a smile, “Yes ma’am. I’ll go tell the troops!”

She opens the door and skips out into the hall, Lana following to holler, “You know I hate it when you call us troops!”

Shereen turns around with a shrug and a smile before she disappears into the next car.

Lana can’t help but feel pleased by Shereen’s excitement. Working closely for the past two years, Shereen is more of a friend than a coworker.

Lana steps back into her compartment, slipping on her favorite accessories. She straps on her thigh holster for her silver 1911, slipping her sheathed combat knife into the inside ankle of her boot, grabbable in a pinch. Next, loading up the backpack, she grabs her binoculars, a couple of smoke grenades, and throwing knives-- just in case. 

Properly outfitted, Lana steals one more look in her compact, giving herself a once over. She gently bites her lips to plump them up and licks them for a glossy finish. _Trying to look hot for Tom? Really, Lana?_ She chides herself mentally.

Getting involved with him would make their working relationship much more complicated, open her up for distraction, and could pull her singular focus from her job-- keeping people safe. Plus, she knows that he’s making as many enemies as he makes friends-- gangs of raiders being displaced aren’t happy-- one day it’ll catch up with him.

_Then he’ll be gone anyway, just like everyone else._

She tucks the compact back into her pack, setting it back on the floor next to her mattress, and walks out of her compartment, making her way to the main car.

___

Walking into the main car that has served as their war room for the four day trip from California to Hope County, Lana pauses to assess. It’s a large train car, once a passenger car with all the seats pulled out, it must be 150 feet long, now full of people clumped in groups, helping themselves to food and drinks. People laughing and talking, the car hums with chatter. So loud, the buzzy sound of so much happening immediately takes her back to Oakland.

Lana’s anxiety spikes to the surface, panic coursing through her like lightning, chest tightening, breath getting thin. Flashes of the explosion, her buzzed state of awareness, the haphazard gunfire, bodies dropping, Caity...

She shuts her eyes and presses her back against the wall. _Breathe, Lana._  

 **In** , two, three, four. **Hold** , two, three, four. **Out** , two, three, four. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.  

She focuses on a few more rounds of breath before she opens her eyes again. The tightness hasn’t left, but panic is gone. She keeps taking her long breath cycles with open eyes, looking around the room, reminding herself there is no crisis, no danger here. Just friends and colleagues. People to protect. People who need her to be at her best. 

Lana lowers her head to her right shoulder, then her left, eliciting a crack from each side. She rolls her shoulders down her back, and thumbs into the pressure point of her right palm, then her left. Taking another big round of breath, the tension fades further.

As she continues looking around the car, she spots the makeshift bar. A table pushed against the wall of the car with crates of beer and liquor bottles three rows deep.

A shot of longing runs through Lana just like her swigs of moonshine used to. The shiver of the first sip, immediate melting of tension, and resulting warm fuzzy feeling-- the craving for a drink hits her hard. Her mouth waters and she looks down to her boots, feeling a flush of shame.

Drinking was always her favorite antidote for anxiety. Liquid relief, it felt like. But the resulting surge of anxiety the next morning and into the following days would only compound her need to self-medicate.  More and more and more until… Oakland. Until she couldn’t pick up a bottle without thinking of her dulled senses, her impaired shooting, and Caitlin’s death.

A little more than two years since Oakland. A little more than two years sober.

Lana wipes her sweaty palms on her jeans and shuts her eyes to breathe once more.

 **In** , two, three, four. **Hold** , two, three, four. **Out** , two, three, four. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

She knows-- **knows--** that Caitlin’s death isn’t her fault. It was Keegan’s fault for selling them out. But the guilt over not picking up on Keegan sooner, not being sharp that night, not prioritizing getting Cait out-- that guilt weighs heavy on Lana’s conscience. Staying sober makes her a better Security Captain, keeps people safe, and honors Caitlin’s memory.

_Not tonight. Not any night. Numbing won’t help. Own it, and move forward._

As Lana opens her eyes, reminding herself of why she stays sober, she looks past the bar and down at the food tables. Composing herself, she makes her way through the train car until she ends up at a table full of crackers, cheeses, and jams. Shitty charcuterie-- but it’s the best they can do. She loads up a plate and sits at the furthest table of the car, away from most of the groups of people.

From the other end of the car, she sees her security team enter with a cheer. She cracks a smile at their enthusiasm, spooning a little jam onto a chunk of white cheese, she watches them clamor around the bar, pouring drinks all around. Her smile fades slightly, but she turns her attention back to the cheese at hand.

“Hey Captain, this seat taken?" 

Lana looks up, mouth full of cheese, to see Rush holding a plate and a beer. She gestures to the chair and he settles into it.

“So, the cheese is good, huh?”

Lana nods as she chews, shrugging and gesturing to her mouth. Finally swallowing, she looks at him and responds “It’s a little moldy, but cheese is mold anyway, so fuck it.”

Rush’s low chuckle rings in her ears, pressing his lips together, he picks up the beer bottle and gestures her way, “Right as always.”

Next, he gestures towards the security team pouring drinks, “They’re all off tonight?”

“They deserve the night off. Tomorrow night once we arrive, they’re going out into a completely foreign place that we have limited intel about. They’re gonna have to be at their best, I want them to be relaxed and collected. I think spending the night not thinking about what lies ahead will get their heads where they should be.”  Lana pauses to look at her crew.

“Besides, this is the last time they can do this for a while. When they’re on duty there’s no drinking allowed. With our staff being down by ⅓ for the damn pipework, we’re not going to be off-duty much over the next month.”

Lana looks back towards Rush drinking his beer, settling her eyes on the eagle tattoo gently moving as he swallows. She wants to reach out and touch it, to feel the texture of his skin, to feel his heartbeat under the swirl of colors. She catches herself in the thought and looks back up to his eyes, only to find him fixed upon her.

She feels a blush spread over her cheeks, hoping the dim lighting in the car conceals her physical response.

“Well you know we appreciate the help.” Rush nods at her, “If we don’t get the water up and running ASAP, I don’t know if we’ll be able to help them much at all outside of these Highwaymen. I need this settlement to be a success if we’re gonna keep moving west. But something is just… off.”

Chewing on his bottom lip again, he averts his eyes downwards.

“You told me that on our first day on this train. You’ve gotta stop second-guessing yourself. Whether or not this was the right course for the crew, it’s where we are now. No going back.” Lana pauses, reaching over to him, circling her hand around his wrist-- “I trust you.”

He looks up and meets her gaze, all worry and desperation and need. He flips his forearm over, pulling his wrist down to grab her hand in his.

Lana’s breath hitches as he squeezes her hand, this thumb tracking over the tops of her knuckles. She looks down at their held hands, watching this thumb move against her hand, and feels a rush of want and heat to her core. _That thumb stroking a little lower..._

Abruptly she stands up, trying to sound nonchalant-- “Well, I’m the only one on security tonight, so I should go do rounds. I’ll be back later!”

Not waiting for his response, Lana makes a beeline through the main car, stepping into the next, before stopping to breathe and process. She feels like a goddamn teenager, the way simply holding hands- feeling his touch- sets her off.

_This fucking train ride is going to ruin me._

As much time as she’s spent with Rush, it’s typically not in such close quarters, and it’s rarely this intimate, this often. Three intimate moments, with his physical touch, in the three days on this train has her long-held attraction reaching its peak.

_Shake it off, Lana. Rounds will help._

The train is long- more than 35 cars to move through, though most people are at the dinner, she stops to check in with the few folks in the cars before moving on.

Once she gets to the front of the train, she pulls out her binoculars to scan the treeline and see if she can spot anything. The sun just set and night is falling, so with one last look, nothing out of the ordinary as far as Lana can tell, she makes her way back through the train.

In the armory wagon, she finds Carmina sitting on a crate, writing in a notebook.

“Hey Carmina, how are you? Excited to get back home?”

Carmina looks up at Lana with a wide smile, seemingly pleased to see her.

“Very. I can’t wait for you and Rush to meet my mom- she’s the lifeblood of Prosperity. You’re gonna love her.” Carmina sighs, glancing down at her notebook, “I’ve really missed her.”

Lana leans against the crate and taps Carmina’s knees with her knuckles, “It’s good that you recognize that. Family is all we really have. I’m sure your mom is missing you somethin’ fierce.”

Carmina looks up and flashes a weak smile, “I felt so guilty leaving home at all. Especially with my dad being gone. But... I knew if we didn’t get some sort of help, there wouldn’t be anything to even call home before long.”

“You’re a good kid, Carmina. You.. you care about your community. About your family.”

_Looking out for her family. She’s on the right path._

“Look, you sold Rush on this mission. You’ve sold me too. We’re gonna do everything we can to drive those Highwaymen out of your home. I will do everything I can to help keep your family safe. Rush will help your community rebuild and fortify. By the time we leave, you’ll be in tip-top shape.”

Tearing up, Carmina reaches and wraps her arms around Lana’s shoulders in a crushing hug. “Thank you, Captain. Thank you for believing in me.”

Lana feels a tug on her heart, of pride in Carmina, and in her crew. If the team can build up infrastructure and take care of these Highwaymen, they’ll change the lives in this community.

_It feels fucking good._

She pulls away from the hug and gives Carmina’s arm a little squeeze, “Always.”

__

Lana makes her way back towards the main car and hears the thump of a baseline-- are they playing music? She straightens out her button up and fluffs up her hair again before she steps back into the main car. 

As the door slides open, she is greeted by a whole different vibe. She was only out on rounds for an hour, yet dinner and drinks have changed to a full-on dance party. One of the tech specialists must have rigged an iPod up to the car’s speaker because an old Drake song is loudly playing, the tables all pushed aside to make a dance floor.

Shaking her head, Lana lets out a big belly laugh in earnest. After being faced with so much danger and tragedy, the fact that they can all still have a moment of happiness and joy means a lot. Knowing that she won’t have to do rounds for another few hours, Lana deposits her backpack near the far end of the car and makes her way to the bar to grab a glass of juice.

One of her favorite things about California is the abundance of orange trees. Memories of her childhood pre-bombs, picking oranges in the backyard with Caitlin, making homemade juice in the kitchen. _We always made an awful mess, didn’t we?_

That bright citrus flavor always makes her happy, and in sobriety, the sweet juice is a nice treat when everyone else is drinking. She pours herself a glass and heads towards the back of the car.

Lana lifts the glass to her lips, tangy orange juice hits her tongue and the flavor lifts her mood instantly. She leans against the far wall, shutting her eyes, draws in a deep breath and releasing it.

With her eyes still shut, she hears the telltale “Heyyyyyyy!” of Shereen walking up to her. Lana’s head lolls to the side and she opens her eyes, smiling at her friend. 

Shereen grabs her free hand and tugs towards the dancefloor.

“Lana! Come on, come dance with us!”

“Maybe in a few! Someone has to make sure this dance party is secure, right?”

Shereen rolls her eyes but squeezes Lana’s hand in understanding before walking away.

It’s not that Lana doesn’t like to dance or doesn’t want to-- it’s dancing with her direct reports, the people who look to her as a leader, that she reprimands and commands as a security force, that she just can’t feel comfortable with. As much as she loves Shereen as a friend, the rest of the team needs to take her seriously.

Lana swigs more OJ as if it were something stronger to take the edge off the thoughts swarming around in her mind. She shuts her eyes again, head against the wall as the beat of the song thumps through the car, her mind turns to the mission they’re embarking on.

Carmina is a great girl, but with the few pre-bomb maps she brought and description of how the Highwaymen operate, she fears this is bigger than the crew is ready to handle. _This might be a fucking disaster,_  she thinks.

The Drake song ends and the opening riff of ‘Mr. Brightside’ starts up next. The heavy beat of the song gets caught up in Lana’s limbs, her hips taking a life of their own as they swing right to left, right to left, in little circles and snapping along to the rhythm with her free hand. She opens her eyes to see everyone in the car doing much of the same- dancing like it might be their last chance for a long time.

Lana scans the crowd, and spots Rush-- a beer bottle in hand, dancing surprisingly well with a group of agriculture specialists. He sings along, shaking his head, his hair tossing around as he moves. He lifts the bottle and meets Lana’s amused eyes on his way, pausing before taking the drink.

Giving an upnod to his dance partners, he moves with intention, and Lana can tell he’s headed for her. She studies his jaunty little dance-walk as he moves, trying to stay on beat with his shoulder shakes, failing slightly, but he’s charming as hell as he saunters over. He looks as casual as ever, with his jacket unzipped and hair disheveled. His face is flushed pink, a broad smile complimenting his features as he stops in front of her. _Damn, he looks fine._

“Cap! Where’ve you been?”

“Doing rounds. Making sure we’re all safe,” Lana says plainly. “Y’know I’m not much for a party anyways.”

“Just because you don’t drink anymore doesn’t mean you can’t dance.” he says quietly.

“I know that, Rush. I just can’t be out there with everyone, not tonight.”

“Well.. then what about dancing right here?” Rush cracks a smile and sets his bottle down on the table nearest them.

He holds out his large, calloused hand for Lana. 

Her eyes flick from his hand up to his face and her stomach flips. His blue eyes sparkling, a slight smirk on his face, looking more confident than he has any right to. _Fuck it,_ she thinks.

Lana finishes her OJ, sets the empty cup on the table, and takes his hand. He runs his thumb across her knuckles like before, then spins her, knocking her off balance somewhat, and catches her by the elbow. Lana lets out a breathy laugh and relaxes into the rhythm of the song as Rush’s hand drops from her elbow. They match each other in the bops of their shoulders, swing of the hips, dancing progressively closer to one another.

She knows she's playing with fire, after spending years keeping her attracting for him at arm's length, denying it’s very existence to maintain the status quo. It’s so easy to do on base, when she’s on duty, out scouting, and he’s planning projects with specialists. It’s easy to keep things light and professional.

But the past three days on this train are rustling her up. This dark, hot, buzzy atmosphere of the party certainly doesn’t help. Being so physically close to him, so frequently, and sharing a moment of vulnerability yesterday-- she can’t shake the thoughts running through her mind. Thoughts of wrapping her arms around his tattooed neck, pulling him close, and-- _no. Lana, no. You cannot let a crush distract you._

‘Mr. Brightside’ fades out as Beyonce’s ‘Crazy in Love’ fades in, a new rhythm and someone cranks the volume even higher. 

“I love this song!” she says, excitedly.

Lana can’t hear Rush’s response but reads his lips as he gestures to his ears.

“I can’t hear you!”

Without thinking, she places her hand on his chest, leaning close, her lips lightly graze the bottom of his ear. 

“I said, I love this song.”

As she starts to pulls away, Rush holds onto her elbow, keeping her close, within inches. His hand slides up her arm, rubbing those tiny circles with his thumb again, before his hand slides down and grabs hers, twirling her once more.

 _This is going too far,_  she thinks to herself. Lana wills herself to pull away, to be the responsible one in this situation.

His half-lidded eyes thick with an emotion she can’t quite place, he licks his lips and her body instinctively closes on the space between them, her thoughts overwhelmed with his scent, his touch, his eyes. It’s all too much, the loudness, the music, the closeness. _Need to breathe._

“Can we get some air?” Lana leans in to ask.

He nods as Lana books it for the far side of the car, passing through two more cars before reaching the caboose and stepping out onto the porch. They stand at the railing, watching the train hurl away from the tracks in its wake. The same spot as their last moment alone.

After a minute of silence, Lana feels herself start to shiver. Shit, it’s cold in Montana. Much colder than California, and a button up isn’t enough for late night outerwear.

Before she has time to act, she senses movement from her side and then feels a warm coat placed around her shoulders. She turns to look at him, now just in his gray tee having given away his jacket, his forearms covered in dark tattoos exposed to her.

“Tom--”

“Lana.”

“You’re gonna get cold.”

“Well, you’re already cold, so you need it more than I do,” he pauses and lets his eyes wander over her. “Besides, it suits you.”

She lets out a breathy chuckle, blushing slightly. She keeps her eyes fixed on him, her eyes searching his face for answers. He meets her gaze for a few moments, then his eyes drop to her hands. Leaning against the railing, he takes her right hand in his and exhales heavily. His gaze lifts to meet her eyes again.

“I know we’re headed into something new, into an unknown. I’m grateful to have you by my side for this. To know you have my back.” He licks his lips, and drops his head, continuing, “I need you, Lana. I don’t want to ruin this. But I can’t… I can’t pretend anymore.”

Lana’s heart hammering in her chest, her knees start to get shaky as she rolls over his words in her mind. _I don’t want to ruin this._ This, as in their professional relationship. As in their paramount trust in each other. They’ve saved each other's lives. Their years of history.  

She tries to pull together a response, but her mind is swirling so fast she can barely grab a single thought. Thoughts of abandonment, of losing people, of her responsibilities, of failing, again-- his small thumb circles on her hand snap her back into the moment.

Looking up, she fixes on his blue eyes.

“Tom, I can’t lose someone again.” Puffing out a weak laugh, “I don’t want to ruin this either.” 

He nods but makes no moves to take his hand away or step back. Despite the chilly Montana night, Lana is bristling with electricity and heat. All the effort taken to restrain and suffocate her feelings for him has broken, feelings as close to admitted as they may ever be.

Her mind flashes to a memory, of Caitlin prompting her and a tremor runs through her. _Trust your gut, Lan._

Lana gently reaches her left hand up to Rush’s neck, her fingers brushing over his skin and tattoo just like she’d always wanted to. His eyes fall shut, and his Adam's apple bobs under the eagle. His skin is softer than she’d imagined, hot to the touch, and she can feel his heart beating just as quickly as hers. He lets out a soft groan, leans into her touch, and his grip on her hand tightens.

His free hand finds its way under her chin, tilting her up just slightly, gazing intently at her lips.

She lets out a shaky breath and shuts her eyes, waiting for the kiss they won’t be able to come back from.

The train suddenly lurches, accompanied by a resoundingly loud BOOM.

Lana’s eyes snap open and she whips her head around to identify what is happening. She sees nothing from the back of the train, it must be coming from further up. Breaking their embrace, she shrugs off his jacket and pushes it into his arms, unclipping the top of her holster and drawing her handgun, checking the clip and the safety. 

“I… I’m moving forward on the train to identify the disturbance and check the engine-- you make sure people are locked down, get folks to their compartments if you can-- those who are sober enough to use a weapon, make sure they’re armed. I… I don’t know what’s happening but we need to move.”

Rush nods to her, pulling his jacket back on and moving into the cars together.

Lana makes her way forward on the train, finding Barnes a few cars ahead.

“Barnes- can you help me identify what that lurch was about? Think it’s the engine? Did you hear that boom?”

“Yeah, I did. Captain, what’s happening?” Barnes nervously grabs her forearm, “Is it the Highwaymen?”

Lana shakes his grip, pulling her arm away and trying to calm her frazzled nerves.

“I have as much information as you do. Let’s move.”

They move into the next car, Lana running down all the possibilities in her mind. Barnes is the head engineer, maybe he can fix a little engine problem and nothing is wrong at all. _Or maybe it’s the Highwaymen hitting us early and we’re sitting ducks._

She reaches for the door handle to move into the next car, but doesn’t get a chance before another deep boom sounds. The train violently shakes, careening off the tracks, and Lana is thrown across the car, as everything goes black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the extended delay of this chapter-- work trips consumed the entire month of April & thankfully May and June are lighter months so will try to get one out per week. 
> 
> Thanks for reading & your patience!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I set out to write a fluffly little one shot of capxrush being cute & then it turned into a full fledged story. 
> 
> Just a little chapter on the train to start, more to come soon, action & drama a'comin!
> 
> So, here we go! Tumblr: @godblessvideogames


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